The Round Dishcloth!

I finally knitted a round dishcloth! I have wanted to for a long time, but never quite had the right pattern for me. Even though I finished this one and the pattern (eventually) seemed to be somewhat intuitive, I still had to rip it out three times. The problem was I would get involved in watching something on television and would forget where I was. When I realized that I was getting distracted, I turned it off. The whole thing took about two hours total. At that rate, I could do one every week or so. But really, is the universe ready for dishcloths???? 

Today I found the project management tool of Word. And made big plans for school and for the rest of my life. And now to implement them. Round dishcloths are included in the plans. I am making time for this ultimate form of therapy.

Catching up

I was catching up last night with someone I hadn't spoken to for a while. And the old resentment came out as we were talking. I looked up resentment in the dictionary and they referred to the word "grudge." And yet, I, wonderful, saintly person, also swore that I never held a grudge. Ha! Obviously, I am full of grudges and getting more all the time!

Also, I realized that resentment for me is a result of saying yes when I really meant no. Then I resent the act or the service or the task but am stuck doing it because I said yes. And not being honest with people makes me resentful as well. So I need to be honest with the people I can be honest with (you know who you are!). 

So, as I contemplate resentment and its effect in my life, I realize how it's taken its toll. And now I must act to clear up the resentment in my life. 

And more dischcloths!

Red Heart Dishcloth and Resentment

Another dishcloth! What good therapy! And cheap! The cost of a ball of yarn and I am calm!
But seriously folks, I realized this week that I have been harboring--well, maybe living with and having it consume me--- resentment for a long time. I thought of how many people I resent and it's in the hundreds. It could be in the thousands, but I stopped thinking about it after a while. So... here and now in front of God and everybody, I am declaring myself free from resentment. I am replacing it with gratitude---and dishcloths.
"Resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die."
Malachy McCourt

(I can't get the pic of the red heart dishcloth to load! I totally resent that!--Kidding!)

Pain

In A Course in Miracles it says that pain separates us from God. And at first I didn't understand or agree with that. But having been in intermittent pain for the last six weeks, I think I understand. Right now, I honestly admit that the pain I have is an excuse for me to be less than god like. I am rude, lazy, and self-absorbed. I am using the pain as an excuse not to do the things I know have to be accomplished. And I am blaming God for all my mistakes.
I know there are people who are in pain and are not doing that. And I can't really explain their situation. But for me right now, the pain that I feel is separating me from God. And it is also separating me from others. So I declare to the universe that I will not be separated by pain from God or others! Okay, at least for today I will try!

Another Sunday

Recently, I have been sick with a really bad stomach problem. But this weekend I was okay! In my former life the responsible people would say that the pain I was having would make me appreciate the pain-free state more and also give me compassion for others in pain. But I am not in that life anymore and so I can say that I hated the pain and never want it back! This weekend I was able to see people and have fun and enjoy life. I really don't want the pain back ever.
I went to the church rummage sale and scored a fabulous bunch of masks: three with feathers, two with sequins and two to decorate! And a pair of jeans that I bought for the label inside: "LOOSE."
Work and being sick has prevented me from doing any art, but now I have the muse back and I can begin again. Yeah!

What we put up with

This afternoon, I was talking to someone who has a bi-polar relative. She said that she should have seen this most recent manic episode coming because as she looked back, she could see a totally inappropriate reaction to a little thing that seemed to foreshadow a bigger explosion. This person lived with a bi-polar parent, so maybe, like me, she was used to big reactions to little things.
When my father was alive, he was arrested for shooting a pellet gun into the neighbor's house. The neighbors according to him were shooting laser beams at him. The officer who arrested him called me and asked, "Does your father have a history of mental illness?" And although I was in my forties, I was shocked to realize that yes, indeed he did! And that I just realized it then.
We put up with so much stuff from people who are supposed to love us for a variety of reasons. And we realize later that they are crazy and all we had to do maybe once was tell them no.
New goal: no more putting up with stuff!

Long Time, No Write

It's been a month since I last posted! And in that month, I have settled in to a new school and new room, hurt my back, fallen, had some horrible stomach something, hurt my back and tried to educate 23 and now 22 Kinder and first graders. And do Altar Guild work.
No mention of art, you notice. That's because I have done very little. I write in my art journal--no, really I whine in my art journal. I finished a dish cloth that I started last month. This is the nicest one ever! I finally understood the directions! I am putting it on the scanner and scanning it for you to see.
Mostly I have been trying to remember what it is like to teach 5 and 6 year olds after 10 years of not teaching them! Let me say it is difficult! They cry. They pee. They cannot stop talking about their Iron Man shirts! And I have to teach them to read write and add and subtract!
Pray for me!